There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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