she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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