so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
