I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
