mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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