xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
