YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
