I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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