Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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