Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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