He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
