Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
