in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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