Heybabeimwearingurpanties
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Alive.
So much puke
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
