He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
