I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Success! We fucked roommates!
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