i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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