watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
