i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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