I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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