wat bout pragnant strippers??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
