I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
