So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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