3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
