i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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