I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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