U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
