Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
