Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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