Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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