My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
