Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
