I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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