Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
