we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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