The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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