so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You smell like stripper and shame
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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