Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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