All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
two words...techno handjob
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
