giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
