I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
