I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
we should paint friendship bongs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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