I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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