so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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