my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize