dude i'm inner monologue high
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
