Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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