he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
