hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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