The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
