i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
