Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
