It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
