i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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