Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
