Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
