Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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