guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
