dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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