u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
