We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
