Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
