For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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