Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
