i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
