Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
someone owes me an orgasm
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
