miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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