Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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