Nicole vs. Life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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