I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
