Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
