What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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